The difference in sex drive between men and women

Men and women can be different in so many ways, but what about when it comes to sex drive? Is there much of difference when it comes to men and women’s sex life and appetite for sex?

In this article, we explore what we mean by sex drive and what’s ‘normal’, as well as some of the everyday influences that can play a part in impacting men and women’s libido levels, regardless of age.

What is sex drive?

Sex drive, which is also referred to as libido, is a non-clinical phrase that’s used to describe enthusiasm or interest in sex. Your personal sex drive or libido levels are driven by a number of different factors, and aren’t the same in every single person.¹

It’s possible for people to have a high sex drive, low sex drive and a sex drive that sits anywhere in the middle of the two extremes. Sometimes, low libido can indicate an underlying health issue, but this isn’t always the case, as there are so many different factors at play when it comes to sexual desire and what influences it.

A combination of biological, psychological and social-cultural influences are all believed to be responsible for altering people’s sex drives. Changes can happen at any point in somebody’s life, sex drives can also fluctuate on a regular basis too.

All of these things can potentially impact a person’s sex drive:

1. Abuse of alcohol and drugs
2. Anxiety, stress, and depression
3. Disease
4. Fatigue
5. History of sexual abuse
6. Life circumstances
7. Medication
8. Menopause
9. Quality and novelty of relationship
10. Religious mandates
11. Sensory stimuli

Summary

Sex drive is also commonly referred to as libido and differs from person-to-person. What may be a lot of sex to one person, may not be that much to another. There is no defined ‘normal’; sex drive; it is very much a personal thing that’s influenced by a combination of biological, psychological and social-cultural factors.

What is a normal sex drive?

Determining what's 'normal’ when it comes to sex drive isn’t a prescriptive thing. While it may be possible to carry out tests for hypoactive libido (low sex drive) and hyperactive libido (high sex drive), deciding on what’s normal depends on the people involved.

For instance, if you and your partner decide that having sex twice a week is the right amount for you both, or if twice a month is works for you, then that’s what’s ‘normal’ for you and your relationship.

According to guidance published by the NHS on libido, ‘Everyone's sex drive is different and there's no such thing as a ‘normal’ libido. But if you find your lack of desire for sex is distressing or it's affecting your relationship, it's a good idea to get help.²

Summary

A ‘normal’ sex drive is what’s normal for you and your partner. This may be twice a week or twice a month, whatever works for you, as long as you are happy with how much sex you are having. However, if you notice a dip in your libido or it’s unmanageably high and it’s bothering you, then you may want to seek expert help.

What is a high sex drive?

Well, according to a study carried out in 1991, men are believed to experience sexual desire more than women. This conclusion is based on a questionnaire of 58 men and 86 women between the ages of 18 and 54.

But that study was carried out several years ago and involved only a small selection of people. As a result, it’s therefore been recognised that sexual desire and habits among men and women have evolved over the years.

In terms of knowing whether or not you have a high sex drive, this is something only you will know about, as only you know how many times you experience sexual desire. However, if your everyday life is being interrupted by constant thoughts of sex or sexual activity, or if you feel that your sex drive is out of control, then it may be something you may want to speak to a medical professional about.

Reasons for having a high sex drive include:

• Diet and exercise – people who lead highly active lives and prioritise nutrition tend to have more energy, which can possibly lead to a higher sex drive. (Note – by the same score, a high sex drive may be your level of ‘normal’ though so bear this in mind…)
• Depression or anxiety – sometimes people may use sex to cope with issues or problems that are bothering them

When should you seek advice or help in relation to your appetite for sex? If it’s hindering your life or your sex life is accompanied by shame, isolation or low self-esteem, then you may want to speak to a professional.³

Summary

A high sex drive is a perfectly normal thing, and can sometimes be more common in people who lead extremely active lives and tend to prioritise nutrition, meaning they have more energy. However, if your need for sex is out of control, then speak to an expert.

Why do men lose their sex drive?

The reason why men lose their sex drive differs from person-to-person. Low libido in men may also be caused by multiple factors, not just one single thing.⁴

Contrary to popular belief, having a reduced interest in sex doesn’t go hand-in-hand with getting older. However, it is something both men and women can experience as they age.

For men, the reasons for this can be:

• Lower levels of the sex hormone, testosterone
• Age-related health problems, including mobility issues
• Side effects of medicine

Medicine and sex drive

Certain types of medicine, including contraception, can potentially result in people experiencing low libido. According to the NHS, they are⁵:

1. Medicines that are taken for high blood pressure
2. Many types of antidepressants
3. Medicine that is taken for seizures (fits), such as topiramate
4. Medicine called antipsychotics, such as haloperidol
5. Medicine that’s prescribed for an enlarged prostate, such as finasteride
6. Medicine for prostate cancer, such as cyproterone
7. Hormonal contraception, such as the combined hormonal contraception pill, patch or ring, the progestogen-only pill, the contraceptive implant and the contraceptive injection

If you find medication is impacting your sex drive, it may be that you may be able to take a different medication.

If you are concerned about your sex drive being lower than usual, it is something you can speak to your GP about. They will explore any other symptoms you might have and may, if needed, ask for you to have a blood test so that your hormone levels can be checked.

For more on some of the common causes of low libido read, ‘Got a low sex drive? Here are 9 potential reasons why.’

Why do women lose their sex drive?

Women reportedly experience a higher sex drive around the time they are ovulating. This is due to the fact their hormone levels are fluctuating. Meanwhile, once they go through the menopause, they may notice a drop in libido because of hormonal changes.⁶

Reasons for low libido in women⁷:

• Lower levels of sex hormones (oestrogen and testosterone) just before, during and after the menopause
• Age-related health problems, including mobility issues
• Side effects of medicine

Again, if you’re a women who’s concerned about your sex drive being lower than usual, speak to your GP about it.

There are treatments out there that are specifically designed to increase hormone levels if low levels are causing problems. These treatments include Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) with or without testosterone treatment for women going through the menopause. (For more on this read, ‘Sex and the menopause – what really happens?’)

For more information on treatment options, please discuss with your GP.

Low libido in women caused by pregnancy, child birth and breastfeeding

It’s not uncommon for women to experience a loss of interest in sex during pregnancy, after giving birth and while they are breastfeeding. This can be down to multiple factors, including:⁸

1. Changes to hormone levels.
2. Body changes/body image issues.
3. Exhaustion.
4. Painful sex caused by an injury, such as a cut or tear, during childbirth.
5. Changed priorities, such as focusing on looking after their baby.

These issues may improve over time. However, if they don’t, speak to your GP about what the solutions may be.

Summary

 Men and women may lose their sex drive for a number of reasons, including a change in hormone levels, the menopause (for women), age-related health issues and side effects of medicine. Women who are pregnant, have given birth or are breastfeeding may be less interested in sex too.

How can I reduce my sex drive?

Some couples try to match their partner’s libido levels, which may work for them, but the ideal is to communicate about their individual sex drive levels and own personal sexual needs.

Speaking to your partner about their sexual desires and then finding a way for you to mutually meet in the middle, so both of your needs are met, is one way to try and even things out. If one partner has a particularly high sex drive than the other, then suggesting other sources of sexual pleasure, other than sex, may help.

If you’re single and have a high sex drive, then you may be able to find other outlets, such as creativity and other passions, to channel your sexual energy into.

The main thing is, as we mentioned at the start of this article, is that there are no common benchmarks that instantly qualify you as having a low, middle or high sex drive. If your sex drive is high and it’s taking over your everyday life, then you may want to speak to an expert about it.⁹

A final few words about the difference between men and women’s sex drives…

Sex drive isn’t just different between men and women, it’s different form person-to-person and can go up and down every day. All sorts of factors, such as the stresses and strains of day to day life, not getting enough sleep, taking certain medication, hormone levels and diet and exercise can all impact our sexual desire.

While there is no ‘normal’ when it comes to sex drive levels, everybody knows their own body and if their sex drive has dipped or if it’s so high that it’s become a bit of problem to deal with. Whatever your libido levels, if you feel there’s a change and you’re concerned about it, speak to your GP; they should be able to help you find out what’s happening and recommend a solution.

Has this article got you thinking about how your sex drive’s holding up? Find out more about taking our ‘How healthy is your sex life?’ quiz.

Last updated: 9 March 2021